Myth Busting, Part 2: Pregnancy is glowing and Motherhood comes naturally.

1) Having a birth plan determines the way labor and delivery happens.

Creating a a birth plan is important as a guide, while realizing the baby has not read the plan.

2) Good mothers easily breastfeed.

Breastfeeding can be easy or difficult, and most likely, both.  Good mothers breastfeed, good mothers formula feed, and good mothers do both.

3) You can (and should) get your baby to sleep through the night.

Your baby may sleep at night, may not sleep at night, and may sleep in spurts or have difficulty sleeping. There are lost of tools you can try for assisting your baby to learn good sleep habits and some of them may be effective.

4) Only bad (poor, mentally ill, single, uncaring) mothers get depressed.

Postpartum depression and other perinatal mood disorders affect 1 in 5 women. There is no correlation with level of caring or direct predictive factor with previous mental illness, level of income, marital status. Recovery is possible. You do not have to suffer alone.

5) You can get your pre-baby body back & this determines your happiness.

Your body will change after having a baby. There are various places this happens, some of them may go back to the “way they were” and some of them won’t.  You can still be a happy, fulfilled, sexy, empowered, loved woman. Getting your stomach back is not the key ingredient in this equation.

6) You will be mostly the same person with a few acutraments like a diaper bag after having a baby.

You will not be the same person anymore. Motherhood changes you, in profound ways you can’t imagine ahead of time. And this develops over time. Give yourself at least as much patience, kindness, time, and commitment as you do your baby as you grow your new mother identity.

7) You will and should feel sexy and available to your partner postpartum.

You will most likely feel exhausted, pulled on to care for your baby physically, have challenging body image, and your hormones can take years to re-regulate. It’s ok to include these challenges in assessing your availability for and communicating with your partner.

Image

 8) Superwoman (aka SuperMommy) lives and the feminist revolution has made all things possible for women to do alone.
Overtly navigating agreements around housework and childcare is a necessary and ongoing part of parenting. You do not have to do everything. Superman and Superwoman do not exist. Imperfect Mama and Super(ish) Papa (Partner) do, if you work at it together. Lower your expectations. Set imperfect goals. Be honest about your shortcomings. Asking for help is the secret SUPERPOWER for parents.
9) Good mothers stay at home.Good mothers stay at home, work outside the home, work part time in the home and part time outside the home. Children attach to caregivers that are available to them. Children of mothers who make choices that keep themselves feeling sane and happy have mothers that are available for secure attachment.

10) You should have the “right” daycare, preschool, college lined up for your child prior to giving birth.

There is not a shortage of schools. Finding the right school is a sorting problem, not a shortage problem. You can take your time, notice your child’ temperament, and re-asses ongoingly throughout your child’s life for the right fit. YOU are the constant that is a safe secure base from which to learn, grow, and be them self.

There are many, many, many resources available for support if you are wanting to challenge these myths!

For a list, see: the “Pregnancy and New Mothers section” http://www.drlindashanti.com/resources.html

One response

  1. Thanks for your wisdom. I dont need to be a mom to feel the recovery coming down the pike here. Amen to all. Love viv

    Vivian Bobka

    >

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: