Category Archives: body image

Midlife Mid-Drift

I had one of those moments today. As I was pulling on my jeans, I could feel they were too tight. My midriff was mid-drifting. And that first automatic thought – “I’ve gained weight!”- was quickly followed by a shitload of culturally conditioned fat-shaming judgements. The good news is that then I took a deep breath. And remembered this voice comes in when I am suffering in some way that needs tending. That I have over twenty years of eating disorder recovery behind my back (and in my stomach). That this fearful voice doesn’t pop up very much any more and I have another way of being with myself now. Compassionate-Curious-Recovery-voice kicked back in.

Might these jeans be tight because they just came out of the drier?

If you did gain weight, so what?

Here’s how the rest of that conversation went down:

Anxious-part-of-self: What do you mean so what? SO WHAT? My body is supposed to stay the same. This is my recovery body and it’s not supposed to change.

Compassionate-Curious-Recovery-Self: Interesting. Where did you hear that? Actually, your body has changed many times over the past two decades. Most people’s bodies do. Who told you your body is supposed to stay the same? I think I remember your very first recovery mentor telling you twenty years ago (when I was a young adult and she was middle-aged) two things:

1) The size of your body is not your business.

2) The only constant is change.

When I work with women on body image suffering, often there is a correlation with the uncertainty that come with the life-passage transformations such as young adulthood, marriage, pregnancy, postpartum, middle age, and elderhood- and body image. Life transitions can be challenging, and the culture we live in doesn’t have a container for women traveling through these rites of passage. We do have a body-shaming culture that tells us there is something wrong (with our bodies) and it is our responsibility to fix/change them (our bodies). In the absence of community, and of rituals that assist us in crossing these thresholds, a fearful body-shaming voice can come in to keep us “safe.” Safe from what? Safe from the scary changes of the unknown by assuring us that If you can keep your body from changing, then this (life-change) will not be distressing. Safe from having to go through it alone. Safe from facing all the mixed messages in a culture that feels ambivalent at best, and actively disdainful at worst, about supporting women through the rites of passage into adulthood, motherhood, middle age, and becoming a crone. But in practicing hating our bodies, we miss out on appreciating how wise they are in leading and guiding us through these life transformations.

Midlife Mid-Drift (and other women’s body/life changes)

In perimenopause, the ovaries produce less estrogen, which can cause the body to store extra fat (because fat cells can produce estrogen, which offers the body a safety net). Interesting. Thus the thickening around the middle. Pretty smart, body!

In adolescence, a hormone called GnRH (gonadotropin-releasing hormone) is released, and then forms two new hormones that signal the body to gain weight and become fertile. Smart body!

In pregnancy, weight gain is distributed in all kinds of useful ways, including: increased

jadebeall mothers belly

Photo by Jade Beall, A Beautiful Body Project, http://www.jadebeall.com

blood, breast tissue, fat stores for future breast feeding, amniotic fluid, the placenta, oh, and the actual baby! Wise body. 

Just like postpartum, when the stomach carries shapes and marks that show it grew to hold a child. Successful body!

My body is  changing again.  It’s what happens for women throughout the life cycle. By the way, when I was researching reasons why a woman’s body changes in adolescence, the perinatal period, and midlife, guess what popped up on Google? You got it: 10 Ways to Diet That Away. (“That” being the inevitable changes in your body.)

A Recovery Reminder

If you are in recovery from an eating disorder, or any form of body image hatred (aka if you live in this culture), DO NOT visit Dr. Google for your answers to questions about life transitions. Dr. Google will always tell you that losing weight is the answer to complex life problems. Stop dieting, start rioting, and find your people. Find your support team of friends, professional help, and spiritual sustenance to help midwife you through your life transitions. Listen to the wise, fiercely compassionate and sometimes as* kicking part-of-you-that-knows and act on that voice. Now is not the time to let the weight on your stomach go. Now is the time to let the weight of holding up unrealistic expectations of who-you-are-supposed-to-be vs. who-you-actually-are go. Or, as Brené Brown so eloquently states about midlife:

I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders (or your midriff), pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:

I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.
That about sums it up: Show up and be seen, midlife midriff mid-drift-ing over your jeans and all.

Get your (skinny clothing) skeletons OUT of the closet

“It is true that there are skeletons hiding in our closet, but there is treasure

hiding there, too.” -Teal Swan

OK moms and recovering women, as we all know, bathing suit season is fast approaching. In my work as a therapist for moms and women recovering from eating disorders, sessions are starting to revolve around:

  1. How to hide body parts while wearing summer clothing
  2. How to avoid wearing a bathing suit
  3. Comparing and Despairing

I encourage moms, and anyone with body image issues (so basically everyone) to let that shit go. Of course I mean emotionally (I’m a therapist 🙂 ) But I also mean literally: Bring in the old bathing-suit/pair-of-short-shorts/sleeveless-little-red-dress and we will have a goodbye ritual.

Marie Kondo, in her famous (and clearly written BC: Before Child), The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (2014) writes:

The best way to choose what to keep and what to throw away is to take each item in hand and ask Does this spark joy? If it does, keep it. If not, dispose of it.

Although easy-sounding, this can be tricky. When I ask my clients to bring in their clothes from their pre-pregnancy or pre eating disorder recovery days and ask,

“Does this [shirt/dress/pair-of-jeans] give you joy?” they almost always say unequivocally,

“YES.”

And then I ask “Is it REALLY the [shirt/dress/pair-of-jeans]?”

To which they say “YES.”

Then we sit there and look at each other in a staring contest. However, since therapy is expensive, this usually only lasts a few minutes at most. Then they might say something like:

“Well, maybe it’s the memory if wearing this pair of jeans and feeling confidant.”

Or

“I wore this dress on my first date with my husband.”

Or

“When I was [this size], I didn’t ever feel anxious.”

Or

“I was happy when I wore this.”

Then I ask them where the happiness came from.

“The shirt/dress/pair of jeans” they say.

“No,” I say. “From you. The happiness came from inside of you.”

Them: “No, it was the dress.”

Me (Their Best-Self): “Go buy another.”

Them: “I’m not the right size.”

Me (Their Best-Self):

“You are the right size. You are the right size. Right now. Your stomach is the right size. Your thighs are the right size. Your arms are the right size. Your JEANS may be the wrong size, your DRESS or your BATHING SUIT or THE CLOTHING INDUSTRY may be the wrong size, but not you.”

“But what about the happiness I felt when I wore these jeans (dress/bathing-suit)?”

More staring, but with compassion and softening. And then we cut up the clothes. Sometimes we make them into journal covers. Or toddler clothes (because that is who size zero is made for).

Then we get to the tears and the grief. Because motherhood, and eating disorder recovery, is not only a whole new body. It is a whole new life. Do you really want the life you had when you were wearing that dress/bathing suit/jeans? You may have had more freedom (moms), or you may have had a thinner body, but were you really happy? Were you not just as- if not more- obsessed about food or worried about somebody finding out or seeing “the real you” (because under the dress you were feeling anxious, insecure, and lonely)? So your tummy was smaller. Did you wake up in the morning filled with joy about everything in your life, your relationships, your career, and your connection with meaningful purpose because your stomach was free of stretch marks or your arms were thin? I doubt it.

Happiness, in my opinion, is more about being in acceptance with what-is rather than what-you-would-like-to-be. If you have a little red dress that you used to wear in your pre-mommy or pre-recovery days that doesn’t fit (and never will because spanxs-are-for-women-who-willingly-subject-themselves-to-torture-and-isn’t motherhood-already-hard-enough), let that shit go. Is it really making you happy hanging there in your closet? Or is it looking at you every day saying:

“You used to wear me. Now you are a hippo-that-wears-sweat-pants.”

That doesn’t sound like it’s sparking joy. That sounds like a shaming, mean voice that should not be allowed in your house and definitely not in your closet.

Saying goodbye to the illusion of happiness being tied to an unattainable body shape/size can often bring up grief…which then can lead to freedom, which feels like, yes, you guessed it, happiness. Maybe not full-on joyful euphoria, more like self-accepting contentment. But isn’t that good-enough? Isn’t that what you wanted all along?

Oh, and more space in your closet for new clothes.

how to dress for your shape

Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice)

I have been following and quietly cheerleading the work of The Body Positive for years. Created by Connie Sobczak and Elizabeth Scott, LCSW, in 1996, The Body Positive is a community offering freedom from societal messages that keep people in a struggle with their bodies. Connie’s experience with an eating disorder in her teen years and the death of her sister Stephanie inspired her life’s work to improve the self-image of youth and adults. She founded The Body Positive in honor of her sister, and to ensure that her daughter Carmen and other children would grow up in a new world—one where people focus on changing the world, not their bodies.

Like Connie, my work is inspired from the desire to break the intergenerational legacy of eating disorders. I want eating disorders to stop with me, and I want my child to be free.

So it was with great pleasure that I read Connie’s book, Embody (Gurze books, 2014), which outlines the work of body positivity beautifully. Early in the book, Connie outlines how the Body Positive model differs drastically from not only dieting, but also a self-help model or cultural message around “arriving” at a static end point in order to be “done” (and therefore not need to grow, feel, work or explore anymore).

Body Positive:                                                          Not Body Positive:

Tools for a lifetime of exploration A static goal-oriented view of life
A definition of health that is based on balanced self-care and self-love An idealized external image of a ‘healthy’ person
No Double binds Conflicting messages that leave people confused or frustrated
Attuned self-care “Rules” about eating and exercise
A foundation of self-love and forgiveness “Shoulds” and punishment
A celebration of diversity as beauty A limited definition of “ideal” beauty
The development of positive communities Connecting with others through negative self-talk

There are so many things that stood out for me in this book. Here are a few that I celebrated in particular:

* Exploring your Body Story through creatively using expressive arts and writing

*Turning your critical eyes toward discernment of negative messages you may have received from your family of origin (without blaming your mother) and culture rather than turning them against yourself.

*Defining and supporting Intuitive eating

*Re-defining exercise as a way to have fun and pleasure in your life (walking, dancing) and release brain chemicals to keep our moods stable rather than a way to punish ourselves or shape our bodies differently

* Including tools for quieting the Critical Voice

*Declaring your Authentic Beauty

Throughout the book, personal stories from Connie, Elizabeth, and people who have participated in Body Positive community are shared. There is a feeling that you are not alone in the struggle, and your are not alone in your journey to re-find (or find in the first place) joy and peace in your body and your life.

It isn’t often that I would recommend a book to friends, colleagues, and my clients! This is that book.

 

A Letter To My Belly

 

Dear Belly,

Every morning my little one pulls up my shirt, kisses you, and says, “I came from there!” You are fleshy now, stretched. I feel warmth and softness when I touch you. Mother. You hang over my jeans a bit. My sagging muffin top. I try not to mentally airbrush you out of pictures- the little traces of shame that still linger, the empire cut shirts, even though I haven’t been pregnant for five years.

Twenty years ago disgust for you filled my world. And crushed my spirit. All the self-loathing, anger, fear and shame were stuffed into you. I’m sorry. So many apology letters written to you in those first years of eating disorder recovery. But I did grow to accept you! And fed you. And then you created an amazing child! (Ok it was my womb, but you are the flesh that stretched to accommodate). You grew and stretched beyond what I thought was possible

Belly, I’m sorry that there are so many images in the world that don’t look like you. I know those images make you feel unloved, disgusting, flabby. I’m sorry those images make you feel wrong.

Those images tell you all kinds of crazy sh*t:

“Be smaller! Be flatter! Do this to be loved! Be big and full of yourself until age seven and then be flat and hungry. But don’t feel hungry! Just look thin! Don’t get angry! Hide your intuition. Don’t listen to it. Be attractive by not being yourself! Don’t get stretched. If you get stretched, get sucked and stitched back in.”

I just want you to know, Belly, they’re wrong, those messages. Contrary to what the images tell you, there is nothing wrong with you. Let me say it again as you have received those other brutal messages so many times.

Belly, there is nothing wrong with you.

I Feel Fat: Breaking the Bad Body Image Legacy

mirror mirror

I’m so excited to have a guest blog today by By Andrea Wachter, LMFT, co-author of The Don’t Diet, Live-It Workbook and the new children’s book Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Breaking the “I Feel Fat” Spell. I have followed her work for years (since I got into recovery nineteen years ago!) and am honored to share her words of wisdom.

Breaking the Bad Body Image Legacy

I was raised by a mom who was extremely dissatisfied with her body. Sadly, and statistically, there is a good chance that you were too. It’s nobody’s fault. Most of our mothers were handed the same bad body image baton that we were, leaving far too many of us competing in the never ending race of trying to eat a certain way, exercise a certain way and look a certain way in order to feel attractive and loveable.

Fortunately, there is a movement toward health and healing. My hope is that someday, a woman who dislikes or despises her body will be as rare as one who thinks that washing her child’s mouth out with soap is a wise parenting tool. As a culture, we need a massive update on our body image programming and if you are reading this blog, there is a good chance that you are up for the task.

Whether someone inherits a bad body image from their family, or learned it from our crazy culture, it is possible to heal. In my therapy practice, I have worked with women of all ages and from all walks of life and I have found that if there is desire and willingness, there is hope to break the legacy of bad body image.

My earliest memory of body image awareness was when I was about eight years old. I innocently walked into the bathroom and saw my mom soaking in the tub. While I don’t remember her exact words, I do recall her saying something negative and unkind about her body. I silently wondered why she didn’t like her body. And the programming went on from there: negative comments she made about feeling or being fat; certain foods being deemed “good” or “bad;” needing to diet or exercise to make up for what she ate.

Then came the painfully memorable shift when the focus turned to my body: Being told I was “getting a little chubby;” getting served the tasteless diet foods that were kept in a special freezer in the garage, while my dad and brother ate the regular foods from the kitchen; my dad telling me I have “such a pretty face,” if only I would “lose a few pounds;” paying my sister and me to lose weight.

I harbor not an ounce of blame or resentment toward these precious people. They received the same mixed-up messages we all have: If you lose weight, you will be more attractive and loveable. If you exercise, eat lean proteins, vegetables and fruits, you will be “good.” If you eat what have been deemed “bad” foods, you will be out of control and lose the praise and love you so hunger for.

Being a sensitive child who was desperately eager to please, I took my parents’ early teachings to heart. My dieting turned to sneak eating which led to periods of serious restricting which led to major binges which eventually morphed into a hard core case of bulimia. I added massive amounts of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes into the mix and spent decades completely lost in food, weight and body obsession. My self-worth, my social life, my love life, my health and my schooling were all greatly and negatively impacted by my painful and insidious relationship with food and my constant attempts to lose weight. And even when I did manage (countless times) to lose weight, it never once brought the peace of mind and happiness that I was told it would. Instead, my weight losses came with terror of weight gain and the animal-like hunger that accompanies and follows starvation.

I once asked my mom how she became so obsessed with dieting and so unhappy with her body. She told me that her mom and grandmother were both heavy but really didn’t seem to give it a second thought. It was only when she moved out of her poor Brooklyn neighborhood and into a “nice neighborhood filled with thin women” that she began to diet. She said, “I think I learned it from friends and it probably came from watching TV. Plus, your father was always so obsessed with my being thin.”

I then asked my dad how he came to be so obsessed with thinness. His answer was honest and it actually made sense to me. My dad ran a ladies clothing company in Manhattan. He worked tirelessly in the factory and he explained, “I guess I saw that the sewers in the factory were all fat and poor and seemed pretty unhappy. They had hard lives. The models who worked for us in the showroom were all thin, rich and glamourous and they seemed to be so happy.” Seemed being the operative word here. My precious papa took a small segment of the population, made some big assumptions, and based on his profound love for me, led me down a road he thought would bring me goodness. As did my mom. We were all given the same faulty programs.
The great news is that I eventually found my way out. And even better news is that I made a career out of it. My life’s work is now about helping others overcome their battles with food, weight and body issues as well as doing early prevention for kids who are showing signs of body dissatisfaction. Much like drugs, the earlier you intervene, the less entrenched the patterns are and all the more hope there is to change.

I was not a light weight dieter, binger and body hater. (Pardon the pun!) I went hard core. Fortunately, I dove hard core into healing too. It takes hard core dedication to break the legacy that so many of us have been handed: to eat exactly what we want in moderate amounts; to say “no” to food, even when others are pushing us to eat; to say “yes” to moving our bodies in ways we love; to say “yes” to rest when we are tired; to say “yes” to tears and compassion when we are sad, mad or scared; to speak our truth rather than stuff it with excess food; to say “no” to unachievable perfection; to accept and appreciate the size and shape of the bodies we were given, the age we are, the aging process.

Healing from food and body issues is not for the faint of heart, but then neither is starving ourselves, overeating, bingeing, body hatred or constant comparing. Both paths are challenging but thankfully one road leads to freedom and peace. I wish this for you.

Click here to check out Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Breaking the “I Feel Fat” Spell  by Andrea Wachter and Marsea Marcus.

Andrea Wachter is a psychotherapist and co-author of Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Version 2Breaking the “I Feel Fat” Spell as well as The Don’t Diet, Live-It Workbook. She is also au
thor of the upcoming book, Getting Over Overeating for Teens. Andrea is an inspirational counselor,
author and speaker who uses professional expertise, humor and personal recovery to help others. For more information on her books, blogs and other services, please visit innersolutions

High Heels and Little girls

Recently I observed a 3-year-old girl with her family in a restaurant. She

little-girl-570864_640was having difficulty walking due to the heels on her sandals. I actually understand her desire to be “more grown up.” However, I did feel sad and curious about a cultural paradigm that promotes preschoolers to be hobbling in order to look thinner.

You might be saying “But she wasn’t trying to look thinner. She was just copying Mommy, or wanting to play dress up.” To which I would say “And why was Mommy wearing high heels?” I was at a [dress up] event for parents of young children recently and one of the dads curiously asked “why DO women wear high heels?” To which I heard a mom reply:

“To enhance their legs or look thinner.”

I myself have worn high heels (though much less after becoming a mom as walking/running/getting shoes dirty and protecting my back have become more important). There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel and look attractive. However, I do question certain underlying values including

  • Looking-good-is-more-important-than-being-yourself;
  • Looking-thin-or-smaller-is-more-important-than-being-able-to-walk; or
  • A woman’s-value-is-in-their-appearance-rather-than-their-skills, abilities, or being.

The comedian Jim Gaffigan (Dad is Fat, New York: Three Rivers Press, 2013) riffs on the ridiculous-ness of  this strange cultural phenomena  when he talks about the obsessive interest in his newborn baby girl’s weight:

The masses of family and friends want to …get information on the baby. For some reason, it’s really important for people to know how much the baby weighs. This always baffled me. ‘How much does she weigh?’ That’s rude. She’s not even a day old, and people seem to be obsessed with my daughter’s weight? She was nine pounds, but I remember telling friends, ‘She was eight pounds, sixteen ounces’ because it sounded thinner. Either way, she carried the weight very well, but we put her on the Atkins diet anyway…

My latest celebrity hero is Adele: not because I like her music or even follow celebrities much. But because she is one voice of opposition within the airbrushed media culture challenging lies such as:

  • Looking Good= You will Not Suffer or Die and
  • You can never be too rich or too thin.

She is speaking out, modeling for women and mothers, that is it okay to be yourself, in the size that you are. There are more valuable compasses from which to steer your life than appearance. Though admitting to some body image problems, she states:

“I think I remind everyone of themselves…I’m not perfect. I don’t let [body image problems] rule my life…I’m motivated by … a legacy that I’m leaving for my child.”*

Amen to that.

*Us Weekly, “Adele Choosing Family Over Fame,” Issue 1086, December 7, 2015.

 

Get your Butt out of the way

Many years ago, when I was in the early phase of recovery from an eating disorder, I challenged myself to buy a pair of pants embracing my butt. They were not my usual baggy style, were well-fitted, and had glitter on the butt! It was an “opposite action” to wear clothing that my internal body image critic would have never allowed. And, as all opposite action creates, it helped me develop a sense of esteem in myself by practicing an “esteem -able act.”

Many women do not like their butts, literally. Occasionally I find a woman who loves and/or accepts her butt. Jennifer Lopez is the poster child for embracing her butt as an asset.

According to Harvard medical School research, the fat found in large buttocks and hips may even protect against type 2 diabetes.

Fat found commonly around the lower areas, known as subcutaneous fat, or fat that collects under the skin, helps to improve the sensitivity of the hormone insulin. Insulin is responsible for regulating blood sugar and therefore a big bottom might offer some protection against diabetes. The research shows that…people with pear-shaped bodies, with fat deposits in the buttocks and hips, are less prone to these disorders.

Cell Metabolism, Dec. 2008, Diabetes in Control: news and Information for medical professionals, January 20, 2009, Diabetesincontrol.com

Wearing different kinds of pants (glitter or not) no longer challenges me and esteem able ac218604_10150263001270120_1161725_ots have become different in my work as a Mom and Psychologist. Now getting my “butt” out of the way has become “But I don’t have TIME to work on my book!” or “But my child won’t eat vegetables, no matter HOW I prepare them!”

Whatever your butt or but issues, see if there is a way to find an opposite action, even if it is a baby opposite action step to get your but out of the way, remembering that often what’s in the way IS the way .

PS Babies love their butts. Try to remember a (or create for the very first) time when you could love yours.

Who’s got your Back? (Week 6 in the everybody love your BODY challenge)

Just over one year ago, I threw my back out. Trying to be Supermom: wearing heels and carrying a 30 lb child, working inside and outside the home, preparing to present at an international eating disorders conference. shadow

A Jungian colleague of mine asked what might be in my shadow that might  “have my back,” or be “breaking my back.” In Jungian psychology, the shadow is aspects of the self that are unwanted, unknown, or “dystonic” (not familiar or owned by the conscious self). It often shows up through projecting one’s “shadow” parts onto others. Ex: “She’s so angry.” “He’s so greedy.” “Who does she think she IS being so full of herself?”

What had my back? Well, it turns out that the often quoted Marianne Williamson quote was true:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you…

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson, Return to Love Harper Collins, 1992.

I've got your back.

I’ve got your back.

It was fear of my own growing power. So I rested my back (as well as did all sorts of other healing modalities) and healed my back. Friends will often say “I got your back!” as a way to encourage you to move into and through something scary. What has your back? How can you support your back? What parts of yourself are you afraid to own?

What can’t you stomach?

“In a time of torture camps and daily bombings, when civil liberties are disappearing as fast as the ozone layer, when one out of three women in the world will be beaten or raped in her lifetime, why write a play about my stomach? Maybe because my stomach is one thing I feel I have control over, or maybe because I have hoped that my stomach is something I could get control over.

Thank you, Jade Beall and  abeautifulbodyproject.com for this beautiful image of loving a postpartum belly.

Thank you, Jade Beall and
abeautifulbodyproject.com for this beautiful image of loving a postpartum belly.

Maybe because I see how my stomach has come to occupy my attention, I see how other women’s stomachs or butts or hair or skin have come to occupy their attention, so that we have very little left … for much else… Maybe I identify with these women because I have bought into the idea that if my stomach were flat, then I would be good, and I would be safe.  I would be protected.  I would be accepted, admired, important, loved. Maybe because for most of my life I have felt wrong, dirty, guilty, and bad, and my stomach is the carrier, the pouch for all that self-hatred.  Maybe because my stomach has become the repository for my sorrow, my childhood scars, my unfulfilled ambition, my unexpressed rage. – Eve Ensler, The Good Body, 2004

I love Eve Ensler’s words of wisdom, the raw power and vulnerability of them. The stomach is an area for many women, many PEOPLE, that holds a “pouch of self-hatred.” When I work with clients around developing a different relationship with their stomach, we often explore the questions of:

What are you hungry for?

(cookies, sweetness, ice cream)

What are you REALLY hungry for?

(to be loved, to feel safe, to be connected and not alone, to feel that I am safe in the world, to know that the world is trustworthy and I can stomach it.)

What can you digest?

(ex: nourishment, the right amount, honesty)

And what CAN’T you digest?

(ex: toxicity, being asked to stuff or stuffing myself with what is “not mine,” secret keeping, dishonesty)

In yoga, the stomach is the third or “solar plexus” chakra. It is the place where self-esteem (or lack of) resides. It is where anxiety rests in “the pit of your stomach.” And it is the place where you experience your “gut instinct.” Getting your gut instinct back, listening to and honoring it is a major part of recovery, from trauma, from disordered eating, from self-hatred. IMG_2079 All (non traumatized) children have a natural love, pride, and listening to their stomachs. Have you ever seen a toddler or preschooler show you their belly? They LOVE their belly. It is a source of esteem, not of shame. They know what they want to eat and they know what their boundaries are. They are proud of their developing self. They know their “No’s.” (And from this, they find their yes’s.) Here is my invitation for you: Instead of changing the shape of your stomach, how can you listen to your gut instincts more? What can and can’t you stomach in your life? What are you REALLY hungry for? And what esteem able acts can you take toward honoring the answers that come? (Feel free to comment below. This is week 5 of the 8 week every body love your BODY challenge and 1 commenter will receive a free affirmation.)

Week 3: Get it off your Chest and Love your Chest!

afb11e44-77ac-4df1-95e9-07e8c5dd1e0cYep, we’re talking about our chests this week. All that you wish that was different and the reality of your chest being exactly the way it is supposed to be. I can’t tell you how many times I hear large chested women say they wish their chests were smaller and small chested women say they wish their chests were bigger! What would it be like to  accept and maybe even bring a tiny bit of love to your body the way it IS?

Being a mom during pregnancy, postpartum and/or breastfeeding brings whole other facets to breasts and chests! I remember during my pregnancy and breastfeeding days being amazed and awed at how my body changed. And then joking at how my chest “deflated” again after no longer breast feeding. Becoming a mom, however, actually made me fiercer about loving my body and its capacities. I remember one time breastfeeding my baby at a restaurant and the waiter looking at me strangely. I looked back at him and clearly stated “He’s already ordered.”  I had had enough with the controversy over breast feeding in public. I needed to get that “off of my chest.” Heaven knows breasts have been seen publicly in many other contexts and not always respectfully or being utilized to feed a baby!

Some moms judges their chests because one side is larger/smaller than the other or in breastfeeding, one breast produces more or less milk than the other. Instead of saying “You should be producing more milk!”, what would it be like to thank your breasts for making milk, doing the best they can?

What do you need to get off of your chest? How can you love and or accept your chest? I invite you to comment below.

* For the record: As a Mom and Psychologist, I support moms is ALL of their choices in breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, breast feeding in the way they feel comfortable, partially breastfeeding, etc! There are many personal and medical reasons both to breastfeed and not to breastfeed. And there is no 1 right answer.

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