Category Archives: Recovery and Change and Transformation

Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice)

I have been following and quietly cheerleading the work of The Body Positive for years. Created by Connie Sobczak and Elizabeth Scott, LCSW, in 1996, The Body Positive is a community offering freedom from societal messages that keep people in a struggle with their bodies. Connie’s experience with an eating disorder in her teen years and the death of her sister Stephanie inspired her life’s work to improve the self-image of youth and adults. She founded The Body Positive in honor of her sister, and to ensure that her daughter Carmen and other children would grow up in a new world—one where people focus on changing the world, not their bodies.

Like Connie, my work is inspired from the desire to break the intergenerational legacy of eating disorders. I want eating disorders to stop with me, and I want my child to be free.

So it was with great pleasure that I read Connie’s book, Embody (Gurze books, 2014), which outlines the work of body positivity beautifully. Early in the book, Connie outlines how the Body Positive model differs drastically from not only dieting, but also a self-help model or cultural message around “arriving” at a static end point in order to be “done” (and therefore not need to grow, feel, work or explore anymore).

Body Positive:                                                          Not Body Positive:

Tools for a lifetime of exploration A static goal-oriented view of life
A definition of health that is based on balanced self-care and self-love An idealized external image of a ‘healthy’ person
No Double binds Conflicting messages that leave people confused or frustrated
Attuned self-care “Rules” about eating and exercise
A foundation of self-love and forgiveness “Shoulds” and punishment
A celebration of diversity as beauty A limited definition of “ideal” beauty
The development of positive communities Connecting with others through negative self-talk

There are so many things that stood out for me in this book. Here are a few that I celebrated in particular:

* Exploring your Body Story through creatively using expressive arts and writing

*Turning your critical eyes toward discernment of negative messages you may have received from your family of origin (without blaming your mother) and culture rather than turning them against yourself.

*Defining and supporting Intuitive eating

*Re-defining exercise as a way to have fun and pleasure in your life (walking, dancing) and release brain chemicals to keep our moods stable rather than a way to punish ourselves or shape our bodies differently

* Including tools for quieting the Critical Voice

*Declaring your Authentic Beauty

Throughout the book, personal stories from Connie, Elizabeth, and people who have participated in Body Positive community are shared. There is a feeling that you are not alone in the struggle, and your are not alone in your journey to re-find (or find in the first place) joy and peace in your body and your life.

It isn’t often that I would recommend a book to friends, colleagues, and my clients! This is that book.

 

Your Brain On Music: How Music Helps Your Brain, Your Recovery and Your Heart

Have you ever had a song come on the radio that suddenly transported you somewhere? A recovering alcoholic friend of mine takes it as a “sign” whenever she hears the song from the movie Frozen “Let it Go,” reminding her that she is not in control and that is a good thing. Another woman I know listened to “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas every day when she was recovering from Postpartum Depression. It was the thread she held onto when she had forgotten what joy felt like. For those four minutes and fifty-one seconds, she could remember. Music enters the nervous system through the brainstem, which neuroscientists suggest may be the “seat of sentience..(To read full article go here, to Psyched in San Francisco, a San Francisco therapy site, where I am guest blogging. Then come back here for the list below!)

Dr. Linda Shanti’s Brief List of Music for Different Life categories

For Recovery, Patience, and Affirmation:

Let it Go (Indina Menzel)

Love After Love (Jami Sieber and Kim Rosen)

Good Day (Nappy Roots)

In My Car (I’ll Be the Driver) (Shanaya Twain)

One Day At A Time (Elton John)

Butterfly, Next Right Step, or Sing, Love, Dance (Jana Stanfield)

Have A Little Faith in Me (John Hiatt)

I Am Loved, Gentle With Myself, Prosperity Chant (Karen Drucker)

 

For Dance:

Cowgirl (Underworld)

Just Let Go (Thin White Duke Remix)

HOPE Let My Love Open the Door (Pete Townshend)

Dream Machine (Downtempo Mix) Hotel Costes

I’ve Gotta Feeling By Urban Beats (Black Eyed Peas)

A Little Bit Of Riddim (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

 

For Meditation:

Golden Bowls of Compassion (Karma Moffett)

Inspiration or Vision (Dr. Jeffrey Thompson)

The Empty Sky (Anugama)

Gaia (Michael Brant DeMaria)

Returning (Jennifer Berezan)

 

For Romantic Love:

The Way I Am and Giving Up (Ingrid Michaelson)

Can’t Help Falling in Love (Twenty One Pilots or Haley Reinhart)

I’m Gonna Be (The Proclaimers)

All My Days (Alexi Murdoch)

 

Breaking Up (the Bitter and Recovery Stages):

Gives you Hell (All American Rejects)

Send My Love To Your New Lover (Adele)

Breakable (Ingrid Michaelson)

Love After Love (Jami Sieber and Kim Rosen)

 

For Kids:

Get Your Booty Out of Bed, Song in Your Heart, or Peanut Butter and JAM, (Charity and the Jam Band)

We’re Going to Be Friends and The Sharing Song (Jack Johnson)

Crazy ABS’s or Food Party (Barenaked Ladies)

Itsy Bitsy Spider (This version: Party Like A Preschooler)

 

For the Earth and its People:

Keep A Green Tree in Your Heart (Charity and the Jam Band)

With My Own Two Hands (Jack Johnson)

Down to the River (Alison Krauss & Union Station)

Creating a Dream (Xavier Rudd)

Imagine (John Lennon)

 

For Sleep:

Dreamy Music For Sleep (Dr. Jeffrey Thompson)

 

 

 

 

The Butterfly Effect

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.   -Ellen DeGeneres
My vision collage this year emerged in the shape of a butterfly and included images of many fellow people in my “tribe.” So I decided to name it “Butterfly tribe.” I then got to thinking about how I could, like Gretchen Rubin in her Happiness Projects, have themes to focus on each month. This is your cordial invitation to join me in the year of

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

 thisrsz_1heartbutterflymandala

The butterfly effect is a term from chaos theory that refers to a small change resulting in large differences in a later state or place. Each month I will be making small changes in different areas.

Here are the areas:

  1. Vision (January)
  2. Clarity (February)
  3. Make A Plan (March)
  4. Cultivate Creativity (April)
  5. Connect (May)
  6. Honor Sensitivity (June)
  7. Receive Support (July)
  8. Embrace Change (August)
  9. Play (September)
  10. Romance (October)
  11. Health (November)
  12. Release Shame (December)
Each month I will be writing about the small incremental changes I am practicing in these areas and recommending books or action you could try if you would like. Where do you come in? You are invited to join. If each of us make small changes, they MAY result in large differences. Also, in a tribe, people can learn from each other. For example there may be some spring chickens in this tribe that could teach me about how the heck to “tweet” during May.
Change (recovery, parenthood, living your vision) can be hard. It can be even harder when we attempt to do it alone. I have created a few ground rules for myself and you, should you choose to accept, in this butterfly project:
 butterfly

1. It is ok to choose the level of your participation, to make mistakes, and to change your mind.


2. You do not have to do it alone.

3. Stay engaged with the process (and notice when you would rather not).

Butterflies are fragile. They collapse easily and don’t survive well alone. They need each other, they need heat, and they need light. 4th generation monarchs, the ones that travel to California
and Mexico and live for 180-240 days, travel together for astounding distances. They do this together and then, when they hang in the trees, they do it together. So when you feel alone or collapsing in shame or sick and tired of being sick and tired, Do not give up. In the words of Richard Bach,

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly.

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