Like many recovering women and moms, “fun” often falls to the bottom of the to do list for me (if it’s even on there). Who has time for fun? I’m WORKING! I’m working being a mom, I’m working being a Psychologist, I’m working running a household!
However, all work and no fun makes … NO FUN! And when there is no fun, this is a set up: for burn-out, depression, relapse, cross addiction, cynicism, unhappy marriages, cranky kids, and wistful fantasizing about times when play included things other than matchbox cars and dressing up like Elsa for the five hundredth time.
Here are some FUN ideas that have worked in our house:
- Get Creative in Your Child’s Play by Being Silly Yourself.
(And create a Halloween costume other than Elsa or Star Wars)
If your child likes to dress up like Elsa, and you feel like you are going to throw up if you have to be her sister, Anna, one more time, be something YOU want to be! Put on black clothes, cut out little green dots and be a Black-Eyed Pea! (That is a free Halloween costume idea. You’re welcome. You can now have fun being something-other-than- yet-another-Star-Wars-Princess-Zombie-Superhero walking down the block on October 31st). You can now dance around singing “I’ve Got a Feeling…”
If YOU are having fun, your child will, as well. If they are laughing, that is the goal. Little ones laughing are the equivalent of liquid gold. And who says Elsa can’t play with a singing, hipster vegetable?
2. Have Fun with Literal and Non Literal
My husband came up with this one when he couldn’t take another 2 hours of matchbox cars racing around:
It’s a Traffic Jam 🙂
Another thing my little one and I have done is put letters around the house on things that start with that letter. You can play with puns like the letter “T” on the Tea box, and the letter “P” on the potty where your little one goes “Pee.” This can be fun for a few minutes during the witching hours. Every little bit helps.
3. Create a Weekly Ritual
Our family has movie night every friday. I know some moms that have actually created theme-meals to go with the movie: “poison” (caramel) apples with Snow White or Pumpkin cake with Cinderella. Olaf eggs for Frozen. (More ideas. You’re welcome.)
I myself am too f-ing tired by friday to do this. We order out and have it delivered. Permission to do this. And if you are in recovery and not a Mom, if you have a fabulous (or good enough) babysitter, then by all means go OUT to a movie!
4. Find a Special Place to Visit Regularly.
It could be a redwood forest or a tree near your house. Whatever this place is, visit it regularly to connect with the-part-of-you-that-knows. This may not be fun in the traditional “Hey, let’s have some fun!” light-hearted kind of way. However, it is the ground from which all creative and fun energy arises. Your Soul/Wise-Mind/Intuition will appreciate having a regular place where you breathe, rest, and reflect. Find a Grandmother tree or create an altar in your home where you can be still. This is that quiet place that is under all the noise of Busy-ness. It is the ocean that all the waves crash back into. Let your mind rest there.
5. Connect with a Friend to Do the Fun Thing You Never Let Yourself Do
Take a moment to ask yourself what you really like doing, but never allow yourself to do. Now: create a date with a friend to do that. Whether it be collage-ing, making art, painting, dancing, yoga, or getting a pedicure, making a date with a friend will make you more likely to actually do it. This accountability can help give you both permission to take having fun more seriously 🙂 Do it before you reach this place, because when you reach this place, you are no fun:
Many Blessings and Have Fun!
Your child did NOT make that art. I’m sorry, but no preschooler much less toddler I know makes crafts with teeny tiny tiny cotton balls stuck in exactly the right places so they are recognizable “snow angels,” or perfectly cut construction paper flowers wrapped with a pipe-cleaner to make a “bouquet.” YOU made that! Admit it..
You wanted it to look good. You wanted something not to be a mess. You wanted to have a feeling of control in a haze of process-not-product day-to-day moments that feel like they never end. You just wanted one tiny space without a mess of glue, paint, glitter, poop or smeared dinner on it. I understand. I do. More on this later.* However, making that craft look good is for you, not them. Here’s what’s good for them.
3 tips for making a creative, skill building activities for your child under 5:
- Have fun getting materials around the house and just make a space for creativity: cotton balls, cereal, feathers, play dough, material for gluing, construction paper, beads (if your child is not into swallowing small objects). Choose a space that is ok to get messy.
- Be engaged with the process with your child. Parallel play beside them. They will want to engage in creative activities if you are engaging! And you making something of your own will prevent your overdeveloped-adult-Superego from directing (aka shaming) your child how to make something the “right” way.
- If you are going to comment, comment on the process “Oh you are using lots of blue there…” or “It looks like you are enjoying smooshing the yarn into the glue…” or “Ooh! Tell me about it! Is there a story?” Kids are naturally creative and right-brained. They also naturally want to connect with their caregivers don’t turn this natural desire into needing to perform or please. It’s ok if the sky is purple for them right now or the pile of yarn is “a beach.” Believe me. Those are not the kids I see later in my office when they are adults struggling with depression and anxiety. The ones I see are the ones who needed to do things “right” to please someone. In the process, they had to abandon what was most essential to their psychological and emotional development: their own creativity, identity, and self.
I actually had a really good time making an almost recognizable picture with my preschooler today. A sun, rainbow, and trees! And skill-building small manipulatives with coloring and then pasting the Cheerios! My preschooler created a “treasure chest” with a “beach towel for the boat to land.”
When I noticed part of me thinking “that doesn’t look like a beach towel” and “I could help you make that treasure chest look so much better” I paused, and said to that Pinterest-Mom-with-the-perfect-blog part of myself:
*“Thank you for sharing, but it’s not your towel and it’s not your treasure chest. Would you like to make your own? Here are some materials…”
Yes, but not now:
I have something better (or different) in mind:
What are your visions for 2015? There is no wrong way to make a vision collage. Sometimes people I work with use all words, sometimes they use all pictures, sometimes they use a board and sometimes colored paper. Often they will choose magazine images that speak to them intuitively that they don’t necessarily know why. And sometimes they will choose very specific images. One of my favorite quotes is from Meister Eckart and says: