…and how we can survive when the world feels loud.
I took my (slow-to-warm-up, introverted) child to camp this week. You know how you can get a feel for something as you are approaching it? We could feel this camp from as far away as the parking lot. The music, the activities, the EXUBERANT counselors. I could feel my introverted little one holding my hand tighter and tighter as we approached. We cringed along together as the extroverts welcomed us.
How introverts experience extroverts:
Thankfully, I know that they break the camp into smaller, quieter groups after the morning welcome. My little one and I also did some preparation: putting his pokémon cards in his backpack so he could trade 1-on-1 during choice time with his friend, adding a (quiet) cheerleading note to his snack, arriving early so we could find a counselor and 1-on-1 connections together to help him feel grounded.
Introverts actually enjoy social interactions as much as extroverts. It’s more a sensitivity to prolonged social interaction and stimulation that introverts experience.* Prolonged social interaction and/or sensory stimulation (noises, smells, textures) are what drain an introvert. Introverts need “down time” to recover from this kind of activity/stimulation. A grad school professor of mine used to reserve 5 minutes of meditation time for the whole class before starting a new class (we had back-to-back interactive weekend classes) for “introversion recovery time.”
What Can Be Helpful With Kids:
After a day of camp, school, or other prolonged time of stimulation, I try to take off my Super Inquiring Mama Hat (“How was your day? Tell me everything!”) and instead take a Sit-Down-At-The-Quiet-Pond-To-Go-Fishing approach. I let my little one be quiet, gaze out the window, have a snack in quiet-ness. Instead of prodding, I wait. I take his lead on what we should do for special time before dinner. I sit at the pond and I wait for him to offer the fishes from his day. Often, they don’t emerge until right before bedtime, when we are snuggling:
“Mama, my friend said this to me today”
“This happened on the playground…”
“I made this thing with magnets and it’s really cool. want to hear about it?”
It’s hard not to deluge him with questions, but as a fellow introvert, I know this just contributes to more overwhelm. So here’s to quiet, pond sitting.
I’d like to make a special (quiet) shout out to Susan Cain and her work on de-stigmatizing introversion! Her two books are: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking (Random House: 2012) and Quiet Power: A Guide for Kids and Teens (Penguin Random House: 2016).
*Thanks to Quiet Ambassador Adam Grant and his article “5 Myths about Introverts and Extroverts”
Here’s a beautiful/funny/true way that you can explain introversion to a non-introvert: 9 Ways to Explain Your Introversion
And here is a beautiful article on How to Help Your Introverted Child Practice Self-Advocacy